Friday, December 20, 2013

The Christmas Episode

I did a little Christmas Shopping with Laura the other day. She was at work and I was shopping over a thousand miles away. For some reason I felt compelled to e-mail every boring detail  the exciting events of my day--for example

Me-I have to go purchase a divot tool now.

Laura-Um…I was going to ask what that was, but then decided I probably didn’t want to know.  May the force be with you.

Me-I was charged for two divot tools and frankly, I barely wanted one.

A little bit of insanity slipped in (although some might consider that we even have these little conversations somewhat disturbing. Luckily for my 5 readers I am heavily editing-you people couldn’t handle  the content of all of the 15+ exchanges-and you’re welcome)

Me-Ugh. Where the heck are all these people coming from???? Costco was like a mad house. MAD HOUSE!

I pulled into the Fred Meyer and started on another fascinating e-mail (Laura could hardly wait). But while I was madly typing on my phone I felt funny, like someone was watching me. I looked up, and….


Hey-you lookin’ at me? Spooky.

When I got into Fred Meyer, well, this:

Me-Seriously-who hides peanut butter and jelly and honey on the back wall behind the bakery? Who. Does. That? I need to go home soon.

Laura-Well, not by the bakery, but Cub puts it over by the ready made bread.  Took forever to find it the first time.  Wouldn’t that go with other condiments?

Me-I know-right? What is wrong with people that they can't group their condiments correctly? 

When I left Fred Meyer the car in front of me had this hanging from the mirror--


Where do I get tickets?

The finale, however, went like this--

Me-OMG There are now 3 cat barf piles on the basement carpet. I ignored the first two because I am adopting the Dave Melde Cat Barf Rule of Law which states "One shall leave said cat barf where ever it is deposited (unless impeding on sleep or any other necessary bodily functions*) until they have evolved into such a state that they can be easily lifted off of said surface and disposed of properly.

*necessary bodily functions means necessary. If you can eat your meal around the cat barf, then you are able to adhere to the above rule.

However, three? Really? Again, barfapalooza.

PS Why am I compelled to send you these e-mails all day long? Really? Probably another reason why 1) you want to go home from work sooner rather than later and 2) you don't have e-mail at home.

Laura-At this point I would rather have intermittent cat barf than ringworm because if they are just puking every now and again I can still take them to events and hope to get some adopted out.  As it is, not so much.

It’s hard to believe that I actually admitted to having 3 piles of cat barf in my home, to which she replied that she preferred cat barf over ringworm. Then again, it’s not that hard to believe. Sadly, we talk like this almost EVERY DAY.

And when I got home, Beta was surprised because I was home so early and I wasn’t supposed to be home early so he didn’t know whether to be happy or mad. So he gave me his best snarly face


“I love you but I hate you but I can’t reconcile the whole thing and where’s my cookie and I might have to throw up now”

That’s a weird dog.

(We have a lot of throwing up here.)

On a brighter note-

That evening we (Dave, me, Grampa and Carol) all went out to dinner and to walk through the ZooLights at Point Defiance.

This is the dessert I ate


Bread pudding. Bread + Pudding=Best Dessert Ever!

And off to Zoolights-



Octopus on the aquarium


Mount Rainier


The Narrows Bridge, coming and going.




And of course, the 12th man. We do love our Seahawks. While they are winning.

So, that was a fun time. Crowded though. I will rethink the Friday night visit next time….

We decorated the office week before last (this is going in no particular order)

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Observe my lovely cubicle! I hid the drugs and alcohol that usually litter my desk.

Nina had her surgery a week ago at Harborview. And as I was making my way through the maze of skybridges and hallways I saw this out of the big windows…



It was so cool I had to get a few shots. It made almost getting lost in the bowels of a hospital worthwhile (Nina is quite well thank you, and I could post her arm incision but I think I might have to get a release before doing that. We did, however, stage said arm on a beautiful blue pillow background for effect. Sigh. That’s a little weird. But she was on drugs and I was all about getting the ambiance of the shot so it was actually all for art-oh, what the heck-WARNING. Nina’s arm.)


Nice backdrop, eh?

Moving on.

Company party complete with 200 dollar bonus promptly spent at Nordstrom, and then some. Really? I had to have the shoes-BOTH pairs. They read me like a book, those people.

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However, my coworker was there too and we agreed they were a little off their game in the “waiting on us” department. Better pick it up a little Nordy, just saying.

Department breakfast two days later.


I am all partied out. (I am way in the back in the booth. It was the best seat in the house!)

Today it snowed…..



Everyone is late, running in the ditch. I, however, will be right on time.

So, I better go.

The boys arrive tomorrow which should liven things up. And I have the week off so I am anxious to get to work and get vacation started.

Everyone have a wonderful holiday season.


Jack, getting in to the holiday spirit.

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